Monday, April 30, 2007

Pushing forward

Nothing different has happened for the past two weeks. My sons father doesn't call him to talk to him but he tries to push me around with emails. He makes many demands and expects me to jump at each of them. I'll give him the basic information that he is entitled to but I am not going to put my new family through changes to appease him. I need to be strong and not let him take the control he is desperately trying to get.

I knew that I was in some sort of bondage because of him but I wasn't aware at how strong it was. Let me explain: Just before we divorced, he told both families that we were going to get tattoos of each others name on us. Well, at this point in the marriage, I knew it was over but I feared him too much to say no. I just wanted to keep the peace while I thought things through. So, I went along with it.

After the divorce, I covered up the tattoo with another and I was done.... or so I thought. Now that I am happily remarried, that old reminder was a thorn in my side. I finally went to see a doctor about getting it removed by laser. Once she did the first treatment, I felt a RUSH of relief and I started crying. It's almost over.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Motherly fear

I am a mother of two. One is my new husbands' and one is my own... I have been blessed with being my sons guardian but I am also cursed with an ex-husband that is emotionally abusive and a bully. He's absent for long periods then comes back into our lives with a mean vengeance. I don't know what I am looking for in this blog, I just feel vulnerable and weak. I am trying to do what is right for my family by not giving my ex too much access and liberty in the workings of our family, but I need to do what is right for my son. How do I handle this? And how do I cope with the knowledge that my ex is willing and capable of kidnapping my son, not to be with him, but to hurt me?

I have been "weak" for the better part of my life. Letting others take advantage of my kindness and not demanding respect. Now, I have more to live for and more to fight for but taking those first few strong steps is hard.

Is there anyone out there that is going through this?